Caught in a Mosh
I like to go to punk or heavy metal shows and get into the mosh pit. Sober. It’s so much scarier now, but just as much fun as before! Though now, I really do feel like I’ve been beaten the next day. I guess it’s still better than a hangover.
That’s about all the fun I have. 😉
– Allison K.
What the Hell is Toy Blast?
Omg Toy Blast.
How the heck did I get to level 1055 without really even noticing??
– Kate K
SUGAR!
My relationship with sugar doesn’t feel sober. Sometimes I’ll get a certain treat in my head–often this $9 cake slice across the street that isn’t even that good, really–but I’ll obsess over it until I get it and then like, eat it in the street, and then feel sick and hate myself.
The hatred comes from doing something I know will make me feel physically bad yet doing it anyway. Which is…familiar. Similarly, if I’m at a party or at work and there are cookies or whatever out, I’ll just house them without thinking, and not understand how anyone else can have just one. Also familiar. Did I transfer my alcoholism to sugar? Do I need to stop eating sugar to be truly sober?
– Logan S.
It’s Not Isolation if It’s Solitaire
I play a lot of spider solitaire on my phone these days. I play with two suits – just mentally challenging enough to make me feel like I’m accomplishing something without actually, you know, challenging me. And the way I play, repeatedly undo-ing my last few moves and turning over different cards until I win, doesn’t seem to be making me any better at the game.
It’s compulsive self-soothing in a way that sometimes vaguely reminds me of the feeling of absent-minded repetition of setting up and doing rails over and over for hours, but it’s a lot less destructive. Yesterday, after dealing with a problem with my car registration, I was craving a beer but instead, hunkered down in bed, tapping on the little cards to make them fly into their places until I felt calm. My screen time app tells me I did that for four and a half hours.
– Colleen R.
Netflix and Do Nothing Else Whatsoever
I spend my evenings watching Netflix. My nights are still blurring together and I’m still not feeling proud of how I’m using my time, but it’s better than it used to be.
– Elizabeth M.
I Don’t Care if My Face Gets Mangled by a Tennis Ball
I rush the net at tennis like I’m going to put away a killer volley every time. Even when it only happens 20% of the time. Even when I’m playing with people way better than me —especially when I’m playing with people better than me. There’s a jangle in my head while tempting fate that feels suspiciously like jumping off the wagon, but minus the guilt.
I may lose an eyeball while wearing a stupid, shit-eating grin, but at least the bill from my insurance company wouldn’t make me feel ashamed.
– Deidre R.
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