Confessions From the iPhone After Party and Other Stories
by
The Small Bow Family Orchestra
Some readers reveal that the way they use the internet is sometimes not very sober.
illustration by Edith Zimmerman
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"Every day, there are several dozen gay Zoom rooms operating with a dozen to hundreds of gay men from around the world, hanging out live on camera naked, some having sex with other men, and all smoking or shooting up meth and other drugs. Meth is celebrated like Jesus Christ in a Christian church. It is voyeuristic and anonymous and provides a "community" to hang out with and use drugs in the privacy of your own home. It's toxic and tragic, yet like drugs, it is addictive and hard to quit." – Anonymous
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"So when I first got sober, I started doing a lot of online gaming and I would stay up all night until the servers went down at six in the morning, and then I'd be severely depressed and crawl into bed. Then as soon as I woke up, I'd start playing again. So I have not always had the best relationship with online stuff. Even though it wasn't particularly healthy, it was better than heroin and alcohol."
– S.C.
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"I would say my worst internet habit is looking at the social media pages of two old loves and their partners and going through comments and pictures, thinking about them and then blocking them, hoping to keep them out of my life and then unblocking them doing it all again, blocking them again. They're currently all UN-unblocked. I don't know what will happen. I'm trying to make peace with all of it. Hopefully someday" – R.H.
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"Over the past 15 years, probably since social media existed, really, I have used it to obsessively stalk the women that the men that I dated had dated before me, the men that I liked had dated instead of me, the men that I dated, but, um, got rejected by, went on to date after me. I couldn't help myself. I got, uh, caught doing it back in the MySpace days, when you could track who looked at your profile, I've accidentally liked posts and stalked women who are in serious relationships with men I dated for like six weeks, seven, eight years ago. And it wasn't until recently that I finally admitted to myself that I have to be off social media because that is really not healthy." – B.B.
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"I have bought a ton of shit on the internet during the pandemic and especially after my dad died. The unusual part is that I have been buying in my sleep. I do a thing where I wake up in the middle of the night and have a period of twilight half-sleep, and that's where it seems to happen. I regularly get shipping confirmation emails and find things arriving at my house I have no recollection of consciously ordering. I'm not drunk or high when this happens.
I have bought corsets, CBD gummies, a compost container for my yard, niche yoga props, a skull necklace from Sweden, perfume, a bidet, cat furniture, mini cannoli molds, Han Solo in carbonite ice cube trays, medicinal dog treats, tons and tons of underwear, a rug from Afghanistan with a helicopter motif. Sometimes I bid on stuff, and sometimes it's click-through ads.
I've been taking some steps to stop it and generally stop buying so much crap online (un-saving CC info, putting my phone somewhere else), but part of me really enjoys the novel surprise of the things sleepy me picks out. So far, everything's been pretty cool. My shopping habits are already somewhat problematic." – L.C.
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If you'd like to hear moe sordid internet confessions, listen to the latest episode of our Really Good Shares podcast, titled "Reply Maw."
We're proud to announce that RGS has been nominated for Best Wellness and Relationship Podcast. Glennon Doyle is about to get fucking smoked.
