Earthquakes and Anthony Bourdain
TSB’S WEEK THAT WAS
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Thank you so much for supporting The Small Bow. It was an okay week. Below you’ll find the most recent newsletter about some of my newfound fears and parental insecurities, other newsletters about similar topics, and a short take I wrote about the shady Anthony Bourdain bio coming out.
Just a reminder: TSB runs on your donations, so press the red button below to donate if you can. Appreciate you. – AJD
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All our donations go to our illustrator (Edith), freelancers, Zoom meetings, and general upkeep. Even $2 per month is huge for us. Thanks so much for digging what we do!
xoxoxx
HIGHLIGHT FROM TUESDAY’S NEWSLETTER
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“One book I read last year was "Intimations" a series of small essays written by Zadie Smith over the pandemic, which many reviewers found half-assed and insufferable. I can see the fairness in those critiques, but I can't deny that one of her entries–"A Character In A Wheelchair In The Vestibule"–shook me so hard that after I read it, I felt my skin turn ghostly white, then red with shame. It was this passage that did it:
"Ever since I was a child, my only thought or insight into apocalypse, disaster or war has been that I myself have no "survival instinct," nor any strong desire to survive, especially if what lies on the other side of survival is just me. A book like The Road is as incomprehensible to me as a Norse myth cycle in the original language. Suicide would hold out its quiet hand to me on the first day–the first hour. And not the courageous suicide of self-slaughter, but simply the passive death that occurs if you stay under the bed as they march up the stairs, or lie in the cornfield as the plane fitted with machine guns heads your way."
I was stunned that she wrote this and put it into the world. She also has little kids! Aren't all parents supposed to pretend we're survivalist for their sake? Zadie Smith has forced me to confront the monsters that ate all my guts and glory.” [READ MORE]
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What If There Is No Mystery?
No rest for the heartbroken.
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There’s a new “unauthorized” bio about Anthony Bourdain coming out, and the author, Charles Leerhsen, told The New York Times the book takes an unflinching, unvarnished look at Bourdain’s life, especially the final year, including a flurry of text messages he sent right before he hung himself in a French hotel room. “We never had that big story, that long piece that said what happened, how the guy with the best job in the world took his own life, ” he said. Yes: Was it stress or fame or his tempestuous relationship with an Italian actress that did him in? Why else would someone so beloved end their life so painfully and dramatically? There’s a motive somewhere.
But here’s my guess: Anthony Bourdain probably died because he had a mental illness that had gone untreated for far too long. Maybe the book dives into his attempts at therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes, but one or all of these need to be put in place, or else people–even famous swashbuckling chefs–get taken out. But also–was it really the best job in the world? I’m sure there were happy, fulfilling moments being Anthony Bourdain, but maybe spending a decade traveling 200 days a year eating whale neck soup in Moldova or whatever for TV shows started to suck for him, especially if his internal wiring was fried.
Many resources are available to help reframe things for depressive, suicidal people. The illness needs to be treated. But having the best job in the world will never be the cure. – AJD
A Poem on the Way Out
“The Goose” by Muriel Spark
Do you want to know why I am alive today?
I will tell you.
Early on, during the food-shortage,
Some of us were miraculously presented
Each with a goose that laid a golden egg.
Myself, I killed the cackling thing and I ate it.
Alas, many and many of the other recipients
Died of gold-dust poisoning.
